vostoklake: (otterly)
I dreamed last night that I was going exploring some deep, dark, dank tunnels underneath the place where I live. Eventually we got to a place where there was a huge underground river. The people I was with (mainly people I went to university with) happily stripped to their underwear and went swimming. I was kind of reluctant to put my head under the water, because I was worried it might be filthy and poisonous, but my companions encouraged me to relax and just let myself swim.

The interpretation of this dream should be clear to anyone who knows anything about transpersonal psychology. I have been getting in touch with very deep, powerful and clean parts of my psyche... but am still hanging back a bit from actually trusting what I've found.


My anger controls me still. To be more precise: the issue is not that I get angry, but the rational, adult part of my psyche has no control over what happens when I get angry. The time it takes the adult part of me to regain control has shortened from days to a few minutes in the last decade or so, but that's still long enough to - for example - say something hurtful to someone I love, to run in blind panic from a dangerous situation, or post something truly stupid on teh intarwebz.

The panic bit is possibly the most problematic. If you avoid scary things, then eventually the world will become one big scary thing, and my life is so much narrower and less lulzy/exciting than it could be precisely because I avoid situations where fear or anger might overwhelm me.

June 2018



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