Huh.

If I'd known that so many cool people thought I was so cool, I might have dared a bit more in my life. But that's what they call "remorse of conscience". Awareness of missed opportunities stimulates awareness of what might be on offer in the right-here-right-now.

You see, the image I have in my mind is that people in general think I'm kind of gawky, embarrassing and irritating, and would rather I not be around (or, if I have to be around, then I should shut up and do what I'm told). I don't tend to believe that anyone values my smarts or my creativity, I think it just annoys or intimidates people. But I've never found it in me to be normal, or even to act normal - so I just avoid people so as to avoid upsetting them or myself.

I want to stop doing that, because it's a very limiting and melancholy lifestyle, but that'll take a conscious effort of mindfulness and relaxation.