Jan. 14th, 2014

vostoklake: (plath)
I wake up depressed. No matter how organised and routine-oriented I try to be - shower, dressed, breakfast, coffee, meditation, medication, briskly run through my email and favourite website - by the time it comes to sitting down and actually being productive, I have a headache, I can't concentrate, I have that sinking feeling in my gut which can't consider anything more than just going back to bed. Under stress, I have a tendency to disassociate - to escape the anxiety and feeling of impending doom by stepping "outside" my body and watching it sadly as it goes through the motions.

I know that time is stupidly precious and it's a terrible crime to let it slip away into this kind of squalid inertia. But what else is possible when your head is full of clouds and your belly is full of muck? No pills and no drinks and no sugary foods will help for more than a few moments. "Manning up" only produces more resistance from the forces within you which tell you that the world is unbearable and failure is inevitable, demanding that you go away and hide somewhere.

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vostoklake

July 2015

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